Saturday, 29 August 2015

ukulele

So far, I still can't sing and play ukulele at the same time. I'm sad, mainly because so far I have yet to complete the challenge I have set for myself. There is a senior event tomorrow. We are going to perform in front of grandmas and grandpas. Yes, they may not have the best ears, but I do not want to suck!
Have yet to master. Lord, a little help please.

Friday, 28 August 2015

to be continue

Yesterday night, I was greatly disturbed. I woke up to a dream. (It was 3 AM actually.) It was a memory from the past. It was a time when everything seems to be "happy". A time when Lily and David was excited about new things at church. It was a time when I was not trying, I was just simply being a part of a community. We put on a play for Aubrey's sermon.

Just what is it could God do and alternate the reality. I am puzzled and yet anticipating the impact. It is the end time, there's no doubt about that. There are fear in people's eyes. They hold on to a reality that they prefer. But I had this shiver that it is not that simple. In the dark, something is brewing, and the people of God needs to be alert. I was not alert. I was hiding. There are secrets I hold on to. Now I am going to let it go.

Thursday, 27 August 2015

a pray a day

Dear Jesus
Today I am very thankful because I have finished a project. A minor one, but a project indeed. I have upholstered a sofa. Now there are several things that I could have done better, but for now I am just glad that I have finished it and have not quit.
I am so happy that I have decided to sleep early and wake up early to play my ukulele. Now I have left it out in the open. Hopefully Mother won't go crazy when she finds that zi have misplace my thing again.

I am also very happy that I have talked to Paris today. She is such a delight to be with. Very cheerful and genuine and sometimes a little awkward, but that's Paris!
I pray for Cavicho. As much as I like to stick on like a scotch tape, I think he needs a breather from my harassment. Although God to be honest, I only say that to make myself feel better. I don't harass. I just do things because they are on my mind. Anyways, I am also thankful for him. Just because no matter how I see it, he is still nice. So happiness and joy to him.
Lord, I never want to be bitter in my life. Help me be genuine always.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

sick day

Today, I have big sausage lips just like years ago when I ate a poisoned plum. Except this year , I have no idea what I ate. Throughput the years, my body is becoming more and more sensitive. My allergen list seemed to be increasing. From peach to plum to apple, what is it going to be next. I value my health more though. If anything happened to me, the people beside me are going to worry and be sad. So now I value healthy eating. With that being sad. No more coke for you, Penner. C'est tres gross.
In addition to my allergic reaction, my nose has been giving me heck as well. My throat seem somewhat invaded by globe of mucus as well. Don't know if I'd be okay to sing on Saturday. Still got to practice singing while playing.
*cough cough
**awe~~~

Monday, 24 August 2015

the Me I want to be

I have gathered all my energy towards doing one thing.
As long as I put in 100% of my concentration, I will get things down.
I will gather all my confusion, my sadness, and my "misses" into something productive.
Then everything negative will turns to positive.
Then everything sad will have something happy to contribute.
Then I will smile to people walking down the street.
Then I will sing to the random chippies down the road.
I will be me.

post birthday memory

I was really disappointed when I didn't get my pink guitar pick for my birthday.
It all started when I lost my gift to myself-my pink guitar pick.
Out of great excitement, I thought of the perfect gift for someone to give to me. It would mean the WORLD to me if I was to receive it from him.
But the day of my birthday come and there was nothing. It wasn't a big deal because I don't expect people to come all the way out here for me. So the convenient thing to do is to wait till Wednesday, since we would conveniently meet up on Wednesday.
Um... he forgot.
I like to say it wasn't a big deal, but I think it was. I haven't pick up my guitar for a pretty long time. I am a stubborn child. I am still waiting for a pink guitar pick. I just didn't realized how big I made myself in someone else's life. I was scared of myself and my imagination.
forevermore.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

thoughts on marriage from the prospective of a girl from neverland

marry?
sure, ill get married.
why do I have to marry someone I love?
dont worry with my personality, I could probably mash with anyone semi-decent
I dont have to go for the best on my chart right
is there actually such one as the best
wait what's the purpose of marriage?
to live together forever?
I think I could do that.
to keep each other company?
think id hate that
to have a family?
eh...

that's it I think ill just be business oriented.
imagine the things I could do
I know I have an issue about this
but its sort of unsolvable
I dont want to solve it
too complicated


Monday, 17 August 2015

miracle and favor

Dear Jesus
I wish that he would come camping with us. Though I have no plan nor strategy.

Dear Jesus
I dont understand why you would miss someone more when they are closer than further away.

Dear Jesus
Sustain my memory and heal my brokenness.

Sunday, 16 August 2015

thank you!

I went to the chief.
I really like today. Like a lot a lot.
I cant say too much but there are so many moments that I want to cherish forever.
I am very thankful for this memory.
I hope I can frame it forever and ever.

Friday, 14 August 2015

Caleb and his 45 years of waiting

I was listening and listening and listening until finally I heard something that caught my ears.

Caleb waited 45 years for a promise to be fulfilled.
He was sent out among the 12 Israelite to search out the land of Canaan.
He came back reciting the glorious inheritance of the land as the Lord promised, whereas his fellow Israelite struck fear among the people. Moses promised the land Caleb was standing on to him.
He waited for 45 years and yet he still said he was just as before--strong and vigorous.
He followed the Lord wholeheartedly, believing. That's impressive!

Joshua 14

Monday, 10 August 2015

grandma's memory

Yesterday, I went to grandma's place. Mom told me to stop talking because whenever I talk, grandma starts crying. I was puzzled. Really puzzled. Apparently, my voice triggers her memory of home, so she started to cry. That was a little heart-wrenching.

I feel for grandma. I tried to think of how memory work. It's so blurred, yet it is still there. I miss the things that happened in my memory a lot. Sometimes, I wondered if it all actually happened. Maybe I imagined it all. Or maybe I mistaken it for a dream.

Then, I tried to be grateful. Rather than feeling lost for not being able to relive my memory, I enjoy and treasure every new memory, no matter how short-living it is. Yes, I still have those impulsive thoughts to want to do more, but I am able to control them a little better.

wholeheartedly

13
3But to the tribe of Levi, Moses had given no inheritance; the Lord, the God of Israel, is their inheritance, as he promised them.

What does it look like if God is our only inheritance. The Levites are worshipers; they serve God. However, unlike their sibling tribes, they receive no material inheritance. What does that look like nowadays if I choose to abandon all else and follow God? Would that make me a lunatic? I personally think God wants to chase after my passion, because it is He who puts it in me in the first place. I think God loves it when I think about Him and his people when I am in the midst of a project. As I grow, my capability and influence also grows. Thus, if God is my immediate background, everything will see "Surely, that is the essence of God in her."

14
but my fellow Israelites who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt in fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. 

I remembered one thing and one thing only when I attended service in Kauai. A grateful heart is a peaceful heart. One who follow God wholeheartedly should know that God has it altogether. So Caleb is not afraid, the God inside of him is greater than what he sees on the outside.

Friday, 7 August 2015

temptation

Joshua 8:1
 
you are to rise up from ambush and take the city. The Lord your God will give it into your hand. When you have taken the city, set it on fire. Do what the Lord has commanded. See to it; you have my orders.

What are the chances of God giving you something and then asking you to destroy it? And if the rewards is great and the temptation is huge then what happens?

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

God is cruel

Why did God allow war in the old testament?

Joshua 8
18 Hold out toward Ai the javelin that is in you hand, for into your hand I will deliver the city.
25 twelve thousand men and women fell that day--all the people of Ai
28-34 He left no survivors.


From out twenty-first century prospective, God is cruel when instructions were given to Joshua to leave no survivor in the city of Jericho, of Makkedah, of Libnah, of Lachish, of Eglon, and of Hebron. (Joshua 8) God is cruel when He hardened the people's hearts against Israel, so that he might destroy them them totally. (Joshua 11:20) Why is God so cruel?

As much as we like to think God is all love, He is also the God of justice and righteousness.
The principle of God--it's black and white, but people like to emphasize human rights nowadays and in turns tolerate sins in the grey zone.

I believe God has a standard. In fact, if He doesn't, He is probably not fit to be my God.
But He does.

That is not to say God loves war over people.

"Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign Lord. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and lives?" (Ezekiel 18:23)
"If a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die." (Ezekiel 18:21)
"I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!" (Ezekiel 18:32)

Know this!
God loves life,  not death!
He takes no pleasant in the act that must be done to keep morality sane.

Tolerance is an overly-used word in the twenty-first century.
He loves, but He cannot tolerate evil.
It is contradicting to His nature.

"We often forgot that when evil spreads, the innocent as well as the guilty are hurt." (Biblica)
War is necessary for peace.
What a paradox? Yet, it is understood that when the nuclear bomb hit the city of Hiroshima, WWII was over.

reference: www.biblica.com


To be continue:
14 The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord.
18 "We have given them out oath by the Lord, the God of Israel, and we cannot touch them now."

6 Do not abandon your servants. Come up to us quickly and save us! Help us, because all the Amorite kings from the hill country have joined forces against us.
11 ...more of them died from the hail than were killed by the swords of the Israelites