The Perfect Strength among the Weak

I can't emphasize enough about how weak I am in the flesh,
yet how strong I am in the Spirit.

I can't emphasize enough about how messed up I am in life,
yet how I can do everything through the one who gives me strength.

At some point, I am going to have to stop myself.
But I don't know how.
If my mistake will cost a fortune.
Please stop me before the clock stop ticking.

I think I just died a million times tonight

How can this flood of negativity just overwhelm me in a matter of seconds?
I really should stand and fight it, but I think I just stood there--motionless.
What's wrong with me?
It's almost like I wanted to prove that I am worth something, so I wanted to give up and see what will come about.
What a rebellious child.
I guess I'll change my mind about giving up once I am done this blog.
But must I go through this every time.

Sorry, God.
But I absolutely can't give reason for my insanity.
That desperation inside of me is way too strong.
I want to see something come about.
Right now.
But I must deal with people and learn first.
Sorry, God.
But you do realize that desire is going to ridicule me in front of people.
And I cannot provide them with an explanation.

Is there something I should be learning here?
Other than the sound of "you are going about it wrong"?
What should I be listening to?

Too broken.
Can you give me a song?
I want a song.
It's fine if it's just to myself.
Can you sing to me?

So fed up with time

I don't know if I am going to make it. I am late as usual and I am extremely upset. Why am I always late. Argh. My life is going to be ruined by my poor time management. So fed up by myself.
My whole education class is going snowshoeing. I was extremely excited but I didn't bother to plan ahead. I packed this morning and I ran out without breakfast. What's wrong with me. Always always.
God! What am I going to do with myself?

Friends

So there really are a difference between friends who care and friends who don't care. All these times I am really conscious of making friends with nonChristians because I hate all the stereotypes associated with Christians. Some people stay intentionally away from Christians because of these stereotypes. Thus, I decided to break all these stereotypes by hanging out with these friends in a "controlled" worldly fashion. Only to find out there is no such thing as "controlled" worldly fashion. One verse in the Bible says "you can do all things, but not everything benefit you". I use this as a hall-pass to do "everything". During the process, I opened myself up to all people and their ways. I thought I was doing well and am a pioneer in opening up new way to evangelize to the world. Today, I realized I was dead wrong. The Bible encourage us to know about the goodness, but it also tells us we need not to understand the evil. I seem to understand how the world work because I want to work with it. I want to use their way to reach out to them. I was but a little too naive. In simple words, I realized who care and who don't care and how to tell the difference. It's really not that complicated.

Brainstorming on teaching

How do I give a more consistent level of education to those I teach. Teaching has to be more than passion, it has to be professional. Passion took me to where I am today, profession will take me further. I hate it if my students education suffer under my lead. Brainstorm...
Has to have a set material to teach everyone.
Must have a way of assessing my teaching.
Students grade must improve.
Teaching lack of preparation gives the students excuse to slack off.
The price I listed is reasonable because of my quality of teaching.
I must have a consistent price.
Must be punctual, it says something about my character.
Must prepare homework, else effort would be lost through the rest of the week.

Worship Leading

Hello readers
I like to thank you for taking a glimpse at my life. Although, I know there is only a few of you, but for someone to want to take a look at my humble life, I thank you.

What does leadership mean to me?

As a worship leader, I still have much to learn. But Iam grateful for the past year, because I have learnt plenty. So, I like to share with you the secret I have discovered to leading.

Keys to leadership:

#1 No one can be a leader without being a follower.

My goal in the beginning was never to become a leader.
I joined worship team because at the time, there was no one who's willing to serve at that position. This was just after many of our ex-leaders left and a new leader took over. She was also new at leading so I volunteer myself to support her and to support the ministry.

#2 We are all meant to be worshipper. I presented myself not as someone with overflowing with talent, but as someone who is willing to learn.

A lot of people like to be discovered. It's the same for me. Wouldn't it be encouraging and reassuring when someone come up to you and say, "I see the talent in you. Come. You can and will do well in this ministry". That to me would be awesome, but it wouldn't require much faith on my part.

When Joshua is about the cross the Jordan River. He was asked to stepped into the river. it takes a lot of guts for him to take that first step. Likewise offering yourself to work with God also requires that step of faith.

Perhaps, there would always be this fear of "what if I wasn't meant to do this". Trust me, you would know if you sincerely prayed about it. A person who comes to God saying "Lord I really love worship. I sing all the times and I am never tired of it. I will sing under all condition. Even if I became a mute, my heart will never cease to praise". If a person can worship on and off stage, and in terms of his or her worship, others follow, that person seems like a genuine worshipper to me.

If you can lead worship both on stage and off stage, if you can sing praises in times of good and bad, if you can pick up anything and use it as an instrument, if you can worship under all circumstances, I don't care what other says about you, you are a true worshipper. Knowing how to read music or how to play an instrument, is not a condition for worshipper but a heart of worship is.

#3 Not be afraid of making a fool out of yourself.

A leader is someone who takes initiative. He or she should not be afraid of something new. God is creative. I mean He did create everything on earth. He had to have some sort of imagination. Hence, He does new thing that is incomprehensible to the human wisdom. A worship leader should be open to that. Know that your role acts as Moses interceding between people and God.

#4 There is no I in team.

This holds true in many context but especially in worship.
Just recently I really how true it is when the whole team leads worship together. We learn to listen to one another. We learn to go with the flow of the spirit. Rarely do we go according to plan, because Holy Spirit always lead us in amazing ways.

Foolish worship

We were leading worship the past Saturday and the concept is foolish worship. It is said in the Bible that our belief in a savior is foolish according to human wisdom and that when David stripped off his clothing because he was so into worship, he was also seen as foolish in people's eyes. Indeed, my belief in God may seem foolish according to this secular world, but it does not stop the flow of music from my heart.

It was hard getting everyone to enjoy in the freedom of worship, because we are all so restrained from how people see us (including myself). I was sad to realized I am still like that. I couldn't dance as if no one was watching me. I mean how could I when I was literally on stage. But how I wish I could have though. I wished I could sing as if I was in the shower. I wish I could dance as if my Dad is watching me. I wish we could all just sing and dance as if life is a musical. Of course, someone would then tell me that is absurd. Life is not a musical and it should be taken seriously, because time is ticking away and I should get real and do what I was expected to do.

Still, I refused.