Just keep swimming swimming swimming

I think I can trust God in leading you.
Even when you are trying to hide, I know He will eventually find you.
But I thought maybe our passion are alike in a way like maybe we can conquer the world.
(metaphorically of course)
I mean eventually I am going to be gone.
I always think I'll end up somewhere else.
So in the midst of waiting, maybe I can be the influence I want to be.
So far, 7 years, I don't know if anyone noticed, appreciated, or were impacted by what I have been doing.
I mean the treasure is up above, right?
Still.
I guess.
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

Blank

Blank

I can't explain what's happening.

My mind is awake, but my heart isn't.

I can't feel.

I am not referring to worship.

It's just that I can't think about person, place or thing right now.

I feel like I need to be somewhere else.

我的心臟要停止了啦

講, 不停,

做, 不停,

我的心臟要停止了啦!

The Perfect Strength among the Weak

I can't emphasize enough about how weak I am in the flesh,
yet how strong I am in the Spirit.

I can't emphasize enough about how messed up I am in life,
yet how I can do everything through the one who gives me strength.

At some point, I am going to have to stop myself.
But I don't know how.
If my mistake will cost a fortune.
Please stop me before the clock stop ticking.

I think I just died a million times tonight

How can this flood of negativity just overwhelm me in a matter of seconds?
I really should stand and fight it, but I think I just stood there--motionless.
What's wrong with me?
It's almost like I wanted to prove that I am worth something, so I wanted to give up and see what will come about.
What a rebellious child.
I guess I'll change my mind about giving up once I am done this blog.
But must I go through this every time.

Sorry, God.
But I absolutely can't give reason for my insanity.
That desperation inside of me is way too strong.
I want to see something come about.
Right now.
But I must deal with people and learn first.
Sorry, God.
But you do realize that desire is going to ridicule me in front of people.
And I cannot provide them with an explanation.

Is there something I should be learning here?
Other than the sound of "you are going about it wrong"?
What should I be listening to?

Too broken.
Can you give me a song?
I want a song.
It's fine if it's just to myself.
Can you sing to me?

So fed up with time

I don't know if I am going to make it. I am late as usual and I am extremely upset. Why am I always late. Argh. My life is going to be ruined by my poor time management. So fed up by myself.
My whole education class is going snowshoeing. I was extremely excited but I didn't bother to plan ahead. I packed this morning and I ran out without breakfast. What's wrong with me. Always always.
God! What am I going to do with myself?

Friends

So there really are a difference between friends who care and friends who don't care. All these times I am really conscious of making friends with nonChristians because I hate all the stereotypes associated with Christians. Some people stay intentionally away from Christians because of these stereotypes. Thus, I decided to break all these stereotypes by hanging out with these friends in a "controlled" worldly fashion. Only to find out there is no such thing as "controlled" worldly fashion. One verse in the Bible says "you can do all things, but not everything benefit you". I use this as a hall-pass to do "everything". During the process, I opened myself up to all people and their ways. I thought I was doing well and am a pioneer in opening up new way to evangelize to the world. Today, I realized I was dead wrong. The Bible encourage us to know about the goodness, but it also tells us we need not to understand the evil. I seem to understand how the world work because I want to work with it. I want to use their way to reach out to them. I was but a little too naive. In simple words, I realized who care and who don't care and how to tell the difference. It's really not that complicated.