i mean what i say

I think I really am a nice person.
I am really sincere.
I think it's important.

I just want use this post to talk to someone.
I wanted to sit here because I like sitting here.
I like sitting here and I like talking to you.
legit. sincere.
I really don't have any second motive.
I mean what motive could I possibly have.
I do miss your presence though.
I miss your worship too.
Will it ever come back?
I worry sometimes.
But I tell myself to not worry.

I sincerely wish you are happy.
Even if that means you have to leave and that I will lost all ways of contacting you.
Please live with that sincere smile I used to see on your face.
I wish mean people would disappear and people will make you smile.

That's all.
The end.

heartbreak

Oh dear. My brother is going crazy. He is going through a heartbreak. The pain on his face.

Dear Jesus
I don't know how to help him, but you do. You know I pray for him from time to time. He is growing up so fast. His value is so practical. I know whichever way he took, you'll lead him in the right path.

Dear Jesus
I also pray for myself because I want to continue to love and continue to give without feeling like I must give up because I am hurting too much. I don't want to live in defense and in fear.

Amen

goodbyes

You see. I am a very sincere person. When I say that I like to talk to you. I really mean it. You always get the first hand news. The problem is I can't tell if you are just being polite or that you actually care. It'd be nice I someone actually care. If it just out of manner, I am still grateful because at least I could pretend someone cares.

Today, I heard that my aunt passed away. When I think of Mommy, I feel sad for her. She is close with her sisters. She had always told me that she had good sisters. They helped each other out. You see my aunts were against my mom and dad getting married. They probably think my dad wasn't good enough for my mom. They weren't wrong. They are good sisters. They watched out for my mom. Even though my mom still rebelled in the end--married and had all of us--they speak honest words.
When I think of my aunts family, I feel sad. They are good person. Their whole family was so nice to us whenever we visit. I heard uncle loves aunty very much. He cares for her very well in the hospital. What I am sad about is the fact that they are going to be missing someone in the family now. Why does bad thing happen to good people? It just that they have to live with this for the rest of their lives.

I hope mommy won't be sad for so long. It's so sad that she'll not be able to see her sister anymore. I think it's very sad when people say goodbye. I don't like saying goodbye. In any case. I really don't.

On the sixth day of 2015, I feel like I need an energy drink

It is day 6 of 2015. Things are getting a little bit more complicated. As you can see I am writing a bit later every day. There are still a lot more preparation to be done.

You know what I enjoyed doing the most? Designing. Graphic designing. I tend to spend a long time doing things like that and I didn't mind. But I wonder how I can switch route now.

What is going to come about 2015? I couldn't even guess.

Crazy start to a new year

HI
So I've got a little held up today.
I've finally finished summarizing our meeting from Wednesday. Man, I need to start getting paid for this. It's too much time invested. If I don't get paid financially, please bless the people I care about.

Anyways, today I put a hault on my new year resolution planning because I am now officially stuck. I can't make the amount I intend to make in a month. I am really considering switching route. Tutoring is just too unpredictable and stressful. When you hit holiday, everyone is gone, so you end up with no income. I am trying to think of something that I don't mind doing for a long time--planning, designing, redecorating. Thing is everything requires credentials. I think Tina is right. She has been right for a while now, but I ignored her. She said I may have to switch direction; try a different path. No more struggling, I think I am just going to do it.

You know, I try to focus on something else so I don't end up doing the wrong thing, but I had hoped otherwise. But now I need to be even careful now because things may be spiraling somewhere unpredictable. Oh well. Time will pass. Feeling will too. Eventually.

its dark now but the sun will come out tomorrow

Tis the fourth day of 2015 and the first wave has started.

We finally head home after a long day in church. We were discussing the coming year with such excitement and anticipations. Then the moment we stepped into the door, the sparks ignite. Mom and Dad throwing darts every where. There is no safe covering. We were all wounded. Seems like one of us is going to have to sacrifice. Not my sister, she's too fragile. I might have to choose between worship band and cell group leader.

I really wish everyone can be happy, but it seems like happiness is complicated to a lot of people. Personally, I don't understand. With every challenge, there's bound to be a way out. There has to be something you can do to ease the situation. Doesn't it start with your mindset? Well, it makes me sad when I see you sad. So lighten up, "the sun will come out tomorrow."

New Year Resolution Part II

Today I went down to the states. Shopping time! I didn't end up getting a lot of things. In fact I only got two pairs of shoes. For those two pairs of "Converse" sneaker, I'd guilt trip myself for the entire return trip. Luckily, my mother approved of my bargain.

New Year Resolution Part II:

3. Read 12 books in a year.
As an English tutor, I'd cut myself too much slack for not reading. I must set an example for all to follow.

4. Learn 12 songs in a year on guitar.
That's right! I bought my own guitar! Whoo! You know what? That wish I made last year on my birthday, it just might come true. As of this moment I know how to play one song--"Anchor" by Bethel.

I have a series of DIY projects I'd like to do, which I will list out in details afterwards.