body shuts down cant type

Didn't realized that I am so tired, but I am. My mind is still on go-go-go, while my body stopped. I was moving my eyes around but my head wasn't following. Good night

my happy list

hello
I did several things that made me happy today. I shall list them all.

I was sad yesterday and happy today. Maybe I really do have an issue and I do not have the solution for it. I am trying to take a step at a time to fix myself. Not that I need any fixing. I dont, but I do. Because carrying on this obsession is not normal. But I am stupidly stubborn to the core. Even if I lock myself up, I would still be like that. So what am I going to do with myself. I shall list out my happy list today.

1. I fed my mom and dad
2. I served my mom and dad by pumping up the gas while they wait in the car (yes, so luxurious)
3. I don't have to refine my resume yet
4. I was with my module
5. I did laundry
6. I found my final report
7. I realize my SA actually wrote me a good report
8. My friend won an ipad

bargaining with God

I always feel like I had to bargain with God. I'll give you this and you give me this. So this time, I asked for a constant friendship, in return I'll do all the right things. (As vague as that sounds.)

But God, I am going to find proof that God freely gives.

my thankful list

1. I am thankful for caramelized honey latte
2. I am thankful for the fun I had in the beginning of the service
3. I am thankful for the mentioned of my name during sharing
4. I am thankful for the student's card and gift
5. I am thankful for the students who walked me to my car
6. I am thankful for the completion of my practicum
7. I am thankful for not being block on instagram
8. I am thankful for the girls who wanted to eat dinner with me
9. I am thankful for being able to get my reference letter in less than a week
10. I am thankful for having the hope of keeping pen pal

sorry

I miss the good memories
I cant think backward and I can't think forward
not yet

well, I'm missing things
and I am just trying to stop myself from being like so
but I guess a part of me want to hold on
because its the only thing I have left
the remains of it

I am scared that ill never talk again
I am scared to try because it will never work again
I am scared that it will be gone forever
so I dont ask for much
I just stop talking
too much risk in losing when I talk

perhaps in a while

I have trouble leading worship, and that's that. There is no what,if, or but to it. I am simply gone.

simple day simple joy

today I was really happy
and I thought you should know
I hope you are too