Just a little lost

Do you know what happen when you take one support off a rectangular table?
It still stands.
But it is not stable.
Not is it safe.

I fear for myself because I could be laughing a day ago and then crying the day after. I am not a phony. I am sincerely laughing and crying at the same time.

Right now, I was supposed to put in 3 hours to prep for the 5 hours tutor tomorrow. But I can't, because my tears blurred my eyes and my thoughts cluttered my mind and I can't come up with a direct reason to why I am like this.

Then, I panicked because I can't get any work done and I can't possibly postpone my work because I need a full day tomorrow to prep for the day after.

I am so tired.

I am an honest person, so I'll tell you this. I am a Christian. I believe in a God who heals. I believe in a Father who comforts. I believe in a friend who listens. But right now, I feel so helpless. No, I don't need any atheist advice right now. I still believe, but I wish there were someone around. I can't help but think that a lot of times, God wants me to go about it alone. A long time ago, I thought I would be okay with that. But now, I realized I am really not that independent.

Today, I found out that the person who had treated me as a friend but later on dropped me as if I was a stranger to began with, left. A good heart person like me left him a message. I said goodbye. Then, I realized that the last message he sent me was on my birthday last year. He said that I will be a good teacher...

Well, that's ironic...

From that moment and on, I haven't stopped crying.

What am I going to do with myself?