It is 1 AM right now and I just finished watching "The Martian". It was a delightful movie to watch. The main character was a problem solver. In impossible situations, he survived. He held no grudge against the friends who left him behind. He took risk to become the first in everything he did. And he was overwhelming intelligent.
I think I am able to problem solve my way around life. There are times when I feel like crap. There are times when I am pretty sure I am dead and I am. But the moral of the story is to just keep going. My philosophy changed though. It was no longer to hold on to things that are dear to you, because whilst you are doing that life is slipping away from you. I am finally letting go. Took years to develop that realization. The scariest thing about letting go is having nothing to hold onto.
God is not a foreign concept to me. That is one thing I'll hold on to. I simply wish that I have more of a grip to hold onto more. Perhaps the memories that I so treasured that I have since tucked away to somewhere safe. In fear of people who would come and take it away, I've scarcely taken it out to admire it and enjoy it. I really don't want to lose those years. At the same time, I feel that I am not doing myself any favor.
Dear God. Please let me keep it.
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