Diary 9314

Dear Diary

So I guess honesty and vulnerability comes at its price. It isn't always the right option. I thought by being open, you gained more understanding and tolerance. But instead you just feel more vulnerable, because it's as if someone can see right through you. Bare and naked.

You know I've always have a soft spot for people being nice to me. I get overly attached. I am too welcoming. No defense mechanism. Now I am developing one in defense of myself and my fragility.

I have a tingly feeling at the beginning of 2014 that I will be learning about love this year. Now before you get the wrong idea. Love comes in different forms and sizes. It does not imply romantic.

Last year someone broke my heart. I asked for it though. The conversation stopped all of a sudden and I am left alone again. In reply, that person simply said, "I don't know what to say to her anymore." Ouch! All of a sudden, I realized I imagined it all up. I made up the scenario in my mind that we are good friends, when really we have no commonality. That was last year around August.

This year, I realized I am somewhat of a "perv." because I became overly attached to someone significantly younger than me. Yes, I know I am scary. I think so too. To prevent further damage, I say onto myself "enough is enough, stop confusing the young soul". This is the end of August and the beginning of September.

Too weird. Too not suitable for this kind of thing. Too inexperience. Too naive. Too silly.
I guess fall is just not my season.