this thing they call love

Okay. I have just received news that we are going to be discussing about relationship in the cell group. What is favorable impression and like? I am in trouble. "Tis not my forte!" What am I going to do?

For those that knows me. I have been keeping away from this topic for the longest time--my whole life up to this point. I am just so bad at this thing people obsess over called relationship or more specifically like or love or whatever people call them these days. In fact, I find myself being very against it. I just don't think I fit very well onto the category.

When we talk about career, I can strive for it. When we talk about self-improvement, I can also strive for that. You see when it's me we are talking about, I can almost guarantee I will eventually get there. But in a relationship there is two people and I am a very delicate person. Yes, I forgive easily, but that also means I injure quite well too. I admit I am soft. I have trouble not thinking about what I can do to make it better. So I will not survive in a relationship.

I don't have to be in a relationship to know that I will not survive. Just being with friends or with anyone I care about, I bruise easily.

Things I am afraid and am certain will happen:
1. I will become very needy. (I did not think I am that kind of person, but I have just discover that it's in my gene.)
2. I will be often emotional.
Sometimes, I can't stand myself for feeling so weak. And it's really not a good feeling when I sob. It felt like a thousand bolts running through me.
3. I will lose my ambition.
Tis my greatest fear. What will happen when my life becomes two instead of one. I already have many people to consider and care about.
4. I will be extremely immature.
I think deep inside I am hoping for someone to care for me, which is quite lame for me to think so. I can't let myself...

falling asleep again...