i ran away

Hello
Happy Valentine's Day!!
For those that know me, I can't disorganization. I put things in their place. For some reasons, I tend to think that disorder in surrounding reflect disorder in the heart. So I clean up whenever I can.
You know what I really can't stand? Emotion. You can't organize it. You can't stuff it in the drawer. You can't do nothing but to deal with it, else it would always be there. I can't stand that. Especially when you have to be messy while dealing with it. You have to cry to let your true feeling show. I think that is the only way to let sorrow out of your system.
What happened recently is that I have a lot of feeling that I don't really have the time to deal with it. The time I need is alone time. Being alone to recollect myself. Typically I would like a time to challenge myself and by overcoming such challenge, I'd think that there is still hope for myself.
I was really stressed about school. It's the amount of things that have to be on my mind the whole time. Then, because I have feeling of abandonment that I have not dealt with plus the amount of organization I have to keep track of in school, I am already physically drained. Then, I have to reflect on my relationship with God because I am leading a band. And I just couldn't do it. I could stuff this into my mental to-do list because there are just so many things undone. So I tried to stuff it in. When I finally managed to shove it in, my mother exploded with such anxiety that I did something terribly wrong. It almost seemed that I doomed the entire family. (Whereas I like to think that everything in life is reversible, fixable, and not devastating, my mother likes to think the opposite.)
Just when I thought, I took care of one thing and an finally getting organized, she shoved an entire stack of paper into the drawer and demands my attention immediately. I lost it. I pushed the drawer over and ran away.
And now, I am back to clean up the mess.

Everything in life is an analogy.