understanding myself is a long process

Sometimes, I think it is necessary to fall in order for you to know that it's important for you to watch your steps. That is the case with life, no? I am sorry. Despite how horrible I felt, I still do as I pleased. I don't know what hope am I holding on to. I don't know why I hold on to the one person who does not want to talk to me. I don't know why I cant see past it. I don't know what I can't see past. I am trying to understand myself from an objective point of view. I don't cringe anymore. I am just amazed at myself. I allow myself to do what I want and then I stand back and shake my head.

Dear Jesus
It's been a while. Will I ever go back?

out

there something wrong with me feeling
its out of order
I should have learned something in high school but I didnt because I didnt think it was necessary for me to learn at the time
now I'm out of order