Rejected by Dream

So let me explain why I have gone missing in in action for the past two days.

Friday morning, I woke up, not exceptionally ecstatic. Did whatever I could for my mom's daycare. Took my computer and headphone out to my back porch. Brew myself a tea and was about to have a moment to myself. Couldn't resist temptation and decide to look on Facebook. My friend from education class posted, "Thank God I got into PDP!"

Excited and nervous at the news, I rushed to go open the mail. I am telling you, "I got this in the bag". When I saw the letter lying there peacefully in the mailbox. I honestly wasn't sure if I should awaken it from its sleep. I did. Little by little I tore the envelope opening. I cannot for the life of me, open the damn thing in one slit. "Dear applicant," it said. "Nothing yet," I thought. "You have applied to the Professional Development Program," it continued. "Why am I doing this to myself," I thought again. "2014!" "Seriously! Skip the obvious man." "At Simon Fraser University." "Again with the long name... Why are you teasing me, God?" By this time, I am laughing and crying over the fact that God likes to be humorous.

...

"Unfortunately, your application has been rejected."

At the sight of that word, my eyes teared up. Unsure of what to do now, I started to walk home. Then all of a sudden, the past 7 years flashed through my mind. I couldn't help but start sobbing.

I am a clumsy person. The past two times, I shamefully accepted my defeat because I did not meet the requirement of application. I failed one course requirement and had too low of a GPA. This time, I waited. I upgraded my experience, raised my GPA, and aced my missing course (I literally finished the course with 98%). But this time, I was rejected again. AGAIN. I am lost...

People driving by must have thought I was weird. Being overly dramatic. Indeed, I was. I squat down by the corner of the entrance to my cul-de-sac. I stayed there for a few minute, dumbfounded, meanwhile, tear slid down the side of my face. I realized by that point that there is no way I can go home in my state of being. So I walked away. It doesn't matter which direction I was going, I just kept walking.  I picked whichever road I am most unfamiliar with and just kept walking. Until I can finally tame my emotion, I kept walking. Until I can make sure the wind wiped away my teared and soften the redness in my eyes, I kept walking.

Rather sooner than later, I went home and told my mom as calmly as I could. Shocked, she tried to comfort me.

Words of encouragement sound much too cliche for me at that point. "Being poised and attentive to my emotion is the best I can do now. So please, don't ask me to come up with a plan right that instant. Your wariness only stir up the worst of my confusion at the moment."